Check this out for yourself.
At the end of a day do you recall all the good points or highlights that occurred for you, like a positive comment, a smile from the person you admire, the smooth way your day ran?
Are you recalling the not so good things that happened, shitty little incidents, negative comments or looks, mistakes and so on?
Where was your focus?
A lot of people focus on the latter. Not only that, there is a tendency to almost obsess on what did not go well for them, and they rerun these things many times in their head and by telling their associates, family and friends (and anyone else who cannot escape) of the injustices done.
For the good stuff, these people may rerun the event/s once or twice when telling a friend or family member … maybe.
Each time we retell our story, or recall it in our head, or think about what we should have done instead, or reimagine and build on it a vengeance scenario and so on, it is faithfully recorded by your unconscious as another event and categorised in the “shitty stuff” file in the all-powerful unconscious mind. That is the all-powerful unconscious mind that controls our automatic responses to the world around us, based on our record of experiences. It cannot (or does not) distinguish between the actual event and the ‘replays’ that we initiate ourselves and so sees each as a separate event reinforcing the trend.
So now at the end of the day when we think back and dump on those around us our daily experiences, we have recorded dozens if not hundreds of not good events in our unconscious when truly only 3 or 4 not good incidents occurred and we have recorded maybe 6 good events when maybe 5 occurred (we recalled or told someone once about a good event only – the other good recordings were the actual event).
When someone now asks, “How was your day?” your unconscious retrieves the daily ledger of incidents and sees hundreds of negatives and only 6 positive incidents. This creates a bad feeling immediately in the gut, the shoulders round and droop, weak feeling in the legs, shallow breathing and a despondent emotional feeling as you reply, “It was shit, everything went wrong today”.
So what to do if this is a little like you?
Start by taking 5 or maybe 10 minutes at lunchtime and review your morning recalling the positives that occurred for you. Remember how it felt when these occurred. If you can feel the feelings again, anchor these physically to yourself by say tugging an earlobe while experiencing the feelings, or tapping your leg or pressing your thumb and little finger tips together on the same hand. By repeating this anchor later, you can access the feeling that you anchored and enter a positive state of mind whenever you need the boost.
Then, briefly recall the not so good stuff and expand on the memory by imagining what you learned and how it has provided an opportunity to learn and improve or benefit you with the insights it provided. Basically, you are looking for the good within the event; it is all perspective in the end.
Then before you go back to your afternoon trigger the anchor and go off with a positive mind set.
Repeat this when you are home in the evening reviewing first your afternoon then the whole of the day. Only then, allow yourself to talk about your day.
So, how was your day?